Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Emperor Bannon Strikes Back

Any Star Wars fan would agree that Emperor palpitine was always the one running the show.
Is this now true of the infamous Donald and Bannon duo too?

You know Bannon. Now take this quiz to see how well you know Emperor Palpitine aka Darth Sidious so I can take your opinions seriously when you weigh in on the subject after reading this post.

Trump would like nothing more than to be Darth, he has pointed out several times that Darth is a perfect name for him once he takes office: D for Donald replacing the E in Earth and you have Darth. Perfect.

You also may have noticed his pointing during public appearances. He took a page from Sidious with that one. Bannon agrees which is probably why he liked this photo, made by one of the writers of this blog, Philip Shearing. You can check his Instagram here and show your support.

May the force be with you!

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Trump invests in Doritos on Mars

Trump has been busy since being named the President-elect. With him as the lead dog, we won't NEED to move to Mars because we have destroyed the Earth, rather, we will WANT to move there for all of the new buildings and opportunities he will create, all we have to do is get there!!

Taking a cue from Trump on this matter, I say, let's forget how to get there for a minute, for the real question on the minds of people in limbo on going to Mars is whether Ketchup Doritos will be there when they arrive, right? And the truth is, Trump supporters could care less about Mr. Musk or SpaceX rockets. I heard he wasn't even born here.  

Trump's newest move is a smart one though it may be misguided: he asked NASA to continue at full-speed with the initiative of growing potatoes on Mars, granted, not so fast the hair on Trump's head takes off on its own Mars trajectory, it is crucial a President-elect keeps composure and appears reticent. We wouldn't want a wardrobe malfunction to ruin it.

I am not sure if Donald is aware that Doritos are in fact a corn chip and therefore made from corn rather than potatoes but its an easy mistake, they don't have Ketchup Doritos in the U.S. after all.

I want to be clear here, I am not attempting to slight President-elect. Good friends tell it like it is, and though he and most of his supporters cannot read, I have to state my intentions to protect myself in the event he finds out and shames me via Twitter. Can you imagine the humiliation from such a credible man? My life would be over.

The Ketchup Doritos on Mars initiative will have the support of both Melania and Ivanka, as ever since it was reported flowers were in fact thriving aboard the international space station, these hotties wanted to improve on the ambiance by replacing them with Ketchup Doritos Roses. I agree, fake things last longer and are less maintenance. You don't even really have to pay attention to them or understand how they survive and to their wondement, they  just keep on keeping on. Amazing, really.

Yet, alas, there is still a lot of convincing Mr. Trump about working with Canada and it's hippie-dippie policies but they are the beholder of the red corn triangles so his supporters are trying to push the fact that the left over Doritos dust in the bag and be rubbed on the skin for instant touch-ups by him and body doubles once the going gets tough.

He liked that.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Protesters are burning world's supply of Ketchup Doritos

Maybe there is a protest gene? And if so, thanks be to God for putting it there for those protest votes - most likely cast by the protesters lighting the fires in Portland and praising third parties- led to the election of Trump. Yea haw 'merika!!

Speaking of fires, I heard they were started with Ketchup Doritos. Yes, you read right folks, the chip is a woodsmen's best friend and in a pinch will heat you up the colour of orange you know and love. Just check out these you tube videos. But they're not camping in Portland.

I have a theory, 'merika.

We all know this loveable chip is only available in Canada so either these protesters are illegal immigrants or smugglers. Either way both of 'em bad and wasting precious chips is a crime in itself. Chips over rights to freedom of speech, protesters.
These 'testers' are in angst because they couldn't vote for the now president-elect Donald Trump, though they probably wanted to, you know they wanted to. Look folks, either they are not U.S. citizens or they are U.S. Criminals and will go to jail for smuggling KD into the country and we know prisoners can't vote (another American beauty).

In retaliation, Ketchup Doritos calls on President-elect Trump to invade Canada and recover the world's supply of Ketchup Doritos. We need to keep them out of the hands of protestors because we don't know, we just don't know.

If there is a protest gene, Gene sharp has it. He has been nominated for the Nobel peace prize several times but has never won because protesters never win anything, right?

Always a bridesmaid.