Thursday, November 17, 2016

Trump invests in Doritos on Mars

Trump has been busy since being named the President-elect. With him as the lead dog, we won't NEED to move to Mars because we have destroyed the Earth, rather, we will WANT to move there for all of the new buildings and opportunities he will create, all we have to do is get there!!

Taking a cue from Trump on this matter, I say, let's forget how to get there for a minute, for the real question on the minds of people in limbo on going to Mars is whether Ketchup Doritos will be there when they arrive, right? And the truth is, Trump supporters could care less about Mr. Musk or SpaceX rockets. I heard he wasn't even born here.  

Trump's newest move is a smart one though it may be misguided: he asked NASA to continue at full-speed with the initiative of growing potatoes on Mars, granted, not so fast the hair on Trump's head takes off on its own Mars trajectory, it is crucial a President-elect keeps composure and appears reticent. We wouldn't want a wardrobe malfunction to ruin it.

I am not sure if Donald is aware that Doritos are in fact a corn chip and therefore made from corn rather than potatoes but its an easy mistake, they don't have Ketchup Doritos in the U.S. after all.

I want to be clear here, I am not attempting to slight President-elect. Good friends tell it like it is, and though he and most of his supporters cannot read, I have to state my intentions to protect myself in the event he finds out and shames me via Twitter. Can you imagine the humiliation from such a credible man? My life would be over.

The Ketchup Doritos on Mars initiative will have the support of both Melania and Ivanka, as ever since it was reported flowers were in fact thriving aboard the international space station, these hotties wanted to improve on the ambiance by replacing them with Ketchup Doritos Roses. I agree, fake things last longer and are less maintenance. You don't even really have to pay attention to them or understand how they survive and to their wondement, they  just keep on keeping on. Amazing, really.

Yet, alas, there is still a lot of convincing Mr. Trump about working with Canada and it's hippie-dippie policies but they are the beholder of the red corn triangles so his supporters are trying to push the fact that the left over Doritos dust in the bag and be rubbed on the skin for instant touch-ups by him and body doubles once the going gets tough.

He liked that.